Fanboys are an interesting species. There are good ones and bad ones. Typically the bad ones have many varied ways of putting down your favorite games. They always want to show you up, make you feel inferior, prove in some crazy way that what they like is better than anything you could ever like, thus they, as a person, are much better than you could ever even dream of being. One shining example is how they tend to over simplify the games you like in order to make you feel silly for liking something so shallow and beneath them. This is clearly a ridiculous tactic, but I am relatively sure everyone has experienced this and recognize that it is by far one the most annoying.
I figured that today I would take some games that many people enjoy, myself included, and over simplify them and let you guess which games I am talking about. Then you too can see just how scathing this fanboy tactic is.
All you do in this game is jump on stuff and break blocks with your head or fist.
This one should be super easy, as it pretty much sums up most Super Mario games.
In this game, all you do is go into a dungeon, find some new piece of equipment that allows you beat said dungeon, then go into another dungeon to do the same thing several times.
Did you guess Legend of Zelda? You’d be right!
Watch a cutscene, sneak sneak sneak sneak, watch another cutscene involving some crazy conspiracy theory, sneak sneak sneak, the president is a robot! sneak sneak sneak SNAAAAAAAKE!
Ok, I kind of gave that game away, but its Metal Gear Solid.
Click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click.
You could pick various games on PC, but I’d like to think this simplification goes especially well with the Diablo games.
Watch a cutscene, fight some monsters, watch a cutscene, fight some monsters, watch a cutscene.
This could probably go for several different RPGs.
Go into a room and shoot a bunch of stuff. Go into another room and do the same thing.
This could go for pretty much every FPS. Mix in some “hide behind stuff and shoot from cover” and you get Gears of War or the several other games that take that formula.
Kill giant monsters to make weapons and armor out of their bones, then kill more monsters to do the same.
Obviously this details the Monster Hunter experience. Maybe add pick flowers just to make it sound cutesie.
Down to forward punch.
Street Fighter at its most basic.
Run around on rooftops, assassinate someone, then run on rooftops some more.
Assassin’s Creed for sure.
Ride around on a horse killing gigantic creatures one at a time.
Cult favorite, Shadow of the Colossus.
Right click, 1,2,3,1,2,3,1,2,3. Loot monster. Replace loot in four levels. Keep doing the same thing. Get yelled at in pick up groups for no reason. Miss out on social life.
Pretty much any MMO, but more specifically World of Warcraft.
All you do in this game is look for sailors and collect toys from capsule machines.
Aww yes, the beloved Shenmue.
All you do in this game is talk to animals and collect furniture.
Animal Crossing of course!
Rolling stuff in a ball is you do, EVER!
Steal cars, run over hookers, and kill cops.
This one is far too easy, Cooking Mama. KIDDING! Just seeing if you are paying attention. Grand Theft Auto, obviously.
In this game you run around half naked ripping people apart and using on the screen button commands to kill bosses.
God of War, easily.
All you do in this game is catch cute animals and make them fight each other.
Akbar's favorite pokemon?
In this game you move various blocks around trying to form rows.
Tetris… Ok that game is already pretty simple, but you get my point.
Now, imagine that I am a huge douche and I am not saying these things in jest. I mean, a good 95% of these games I am a big fan of, but you know somewhere some douche-bag is thumbing someone in the chest and telling them that their favorite game sucks because “all you do is shoot people”. This fanboy obviously believes his logic is true and he is the bee’s knees when it comes to video games. People like and dislike various games across the gaming spectrum, and that’s to be expected. Everyone is different, so why take a holier-than-thou approach to criticizing what others enjoy? If you’re going to bash a game, come up with something educated or more creative. Maybe the camera angles suck or you don’t like the story. That’s fine with me. Just don’t over simplify a game to make us feel silly. I am sure there is some game out there you love that when judged in its simplest form looks just as silly.